Relational Dialectics Theory

I have a wonderful girlfriend but there is always seems to be some sort of tension between us. At times it seems like a game of tug of war, than a loving relationship. We are always having contradictory pulls that affect the way we talk and treat each other. The main thing that affects our relationships is connectedness, certainty and openness. These are all of the things she says I need to work on. She says that I am not open enough with her regarding my feelings, and believes that I am going to break up with her. I try to reassure her that I want to be with her and have no plans to leave her. (I actually want to be with her and get married, something I never saw myself doing before.) We talk about getting married some day but some of the things she says make me optimistic about it. She is very uncertain about the length of our relationship and says hurtful things from my past to make her points seem more “valid”. Every time we talk about spending the rest of our lives together, and make sure the things we need to work on, including areas of connectedness - separateness, certainty - uncertainty and openness - closeness are more toward the first term before the hyphens so that our relationship will continue. Even though it gets very difficult at times, with the all the arguments and doubts, I hope things will work out for the better.